Rest
by Silent Mist
Summary: Oneshot. Ciel ponders about death upon his own. He does not regret nor fear, but embraces both it and the devil that will take his soul.


**A/N: **A little something I wrote in a long car ride listening to Lacrimosa on my phone. The anime ending has always been one of my favourite scenes in the series. May you enjoy.

* * *

To reach a destination, people will look for the end and a road that leads there. My end is death, and probably everyone else's. Yet they fear it so much that they will look for the longest route to avoid such an end. Why go through so much trouble just to further trip and stumble?

My revenge is methodical, thought out and planned. Those who took my parents and cut my body open will come as I stand alone in the rain, pretending I am strong with my frail child body. They will come thinking I am a baby robin lost and battered by the freezing wind; my barely grown petit wings clipped by our last encounter. They will not know I have ruthlessly sawed them off and offered them to the pitch black raven that stands behind me. Its eyes are fresh red as Snow White's apple. Its feathers so greasy from swimming in a sea of black oil that no rain drop can penetrate. Its feet clawing at the ground so hard it bleeds muddy water streams in rivulets. Worms are squeezed out from the soil and slowly crushed. The unsightly, the disgusting, the repulsive.

"_Revolting, unclean, unfruitful, unnecessary, unfertile, unlawful, filth, filth, filth, filth...!"_

_He_ is my shadow. _He_ is the black hole that is rapidly consuming me.

He serves me as our contract states, he spites me with a morbid fascination for my pitiful existence. He is attracted to me for turning my back toward the light without hesitation. And I, I both despise and love him for being the way he is, for being what he is.

He is my guardian angel towards the paradise of darkness.

_"Don't open your eyes until I say so."_

Can devils be kind? It looked as if he radiated warmth standing there smiling, telling me it was _alright, it's over _after he killed that angel. I had my eyes closed as he requested; but smelled fresh blood in the air, heard the crunching of flesh and the splatter of meshed guts and bodily fluids being flung into the wind. A faint melody of the accordion played merrily in the background.

As I lay in a nest of white flowers, so bright they glow in the dark like a beacon of hope; their soft petals like the gentle bosom of heavenly clouds welcoming me to paradise. A promise of eternal oblivion, for that is what is truly paradise. What you are unable to give up as you approach death will only become pain.

As I make my passage, he is beside me. Nothing more, nothing less. He gives me what I ask for, he does not give me what I don't. He does not take away my hatred, nor does he offer solace from the inevitable. He is simply there, and I treasure him with what I have left in my mangled, decaying heart for just that.

I do not wish for my friends in my last days. For I know they can offer naught but consoling words coated with honey. Elizabeth will give me a teddy bear and wail at my bedside with a pretty pink mourning gown. Meilin and Finni will cry their hearts out. Baldroy will hang his head low, helpless and defeated. Madame Red, clad in her signature red wear will look on as a spirit at her nephew dying so young. Tanaka will stand by me solemnly, his figure expanded to adult size for the seriousness of the situation.

_He _will do the same and without a word, but behind everyone else with his hand across his heart, bowing. Every gesture he makes is a mix of elegance and mockery. A mild upward curve of his lips can be mistaken for a doll's expressionless smile.

I regret nothing.

The end of his brows drops, a light knot forms between his eyes. They are carried by a pair of high cheek bones like trophies on an intricately carved shelf for a first class cabin. There is not a single flaw across his pale porcelain skin. A barely audible sigh escapes through his lips, magnified in my conscious focus of his every action. Together with beauty that rivals that of God's angels, he paints the world around him with his very being, a picture that looks so satisfied; it is a true demonstration of the deadly sin pleasure. He looks a man at his peak of ecstasy; a vampire having his first taste of blood, as if a torrent of liquid fire is coursing through his veins. The physical body this demon created is that of an artistic masterpiece. Human language falls short of the ability to describe this otherworldly perfection.

A gloved finger glides along the air in front of parted lips as his feral gaze connects with mine. He mouths the words, _you're beautiful. _

No Sebastian, _you _are, and how I much do I desire to be the soul you taste, that would give you pleasure beyond this. How exquisite would that be? How much more beautiful would you become?

I do not wish for the light of God to shine through my soul when I die, to relieve me of my hatred and grief. For that is more painful than death, much more than my soul being ripped and torn in his jaws. After I am bitten to pieces, digested and merged into every fiber of his being, we will be one forever. I will know nothing but that I will be with this angel forever.

I wish for the corpse of those whom I took revenge upon beside me. I wish for him to be beside me. For they are proof of the dark legacy I have left behind.

What is death? Some call it a passage, some call it change. Some fear it, yet some embrace it.

It is love from God. It is love from the Devil. To end my suffering and my obligation. I close my eyes as I see his mouth, opened wide enough to eat a child whole.

Lacrimosa.

I can hear my requiem, and it is a melody that is not of this world.

_I am now him._

* * *

He is now me. I spread my black wings and fly amongst the dull, grey clouds of home. I redirect my gaze and admire the burned ruins of the Phantomhive mansion below.


End file.
